In the case of external change, the agent remains the same, and some change is needed to alleviate boredom; in the case of intrinsic development, the agent is continuously developing while interacting with somewhat similar events. Curiosity is also a critical component of creativity. Quotes on Communication in Relationships. In the case of life satisfaction, this was true even for those who were more socially anxious. Wanting Casual Sex Doesn't Mean Not Wanting Love. B ut is it possible to pump up one’s levels of curiosity? When you are curious, the … The more curious you are about a topic, the more likely you are to remember it. Distinguishing between two types of romantic curiosity may solve this enigma. “You may not be able to change your happiness by turning a dial, but you can change your curious mindset—you can make yourself more curious—in the moment, and that will make a big difference in your life.”. Relationships between curiosity and relationship out- comes were examined using regression analyses. Using PACE helps adults to slow down their reactions, stay calm and tune into what the child is experiencing in the moment. Speak with honesty. Building customer relationships. Since life is dynamic, and people regularly change their attitudes and wishes, achieving profound love is not a one‑time accomplishment but an ongoing process. In a study conducted in Japan, researchers surveyed 20-39 year olds on their overall curiosity as well as their life satisfaction, sensitivity to social rejection, and experiences with social rejection and social inclusion. In the romantic realm, people typically wish to know as much as possible about their beloved since this gives them a more comprehensive and profound picture of the partner, further enhancing their intimacy. Participants reported on their positive and negative emotions at different points in the conversations, and these were compared to their social anxiety scores. ”The greatest virtue of man is perhaps curiosity.” — Anatole France, ”What stars do in their off-hours is a never-ending source of diddling curiosity to the tabloid sensibility.” — James Wolcott, The chains of romantic curiosity can be particularly heavy. 11.) She received her doctorate of psychology from the University of San Francisco in 1998 and was a psychologist in private practice before coming to Greater Good. The desire to learn and know more is considered a very positive trait—such learning makes us wiser and improves our ability to cope with reality. Given that curiosity involves the motivation to experience novelty, it makes intuitive sense that someone who is curious might be better at connecting with strangers. In his book, Predictably Irrational, Dan Ariely argues that people have an irrational tendency to keep their options open for too long, and so end up chasing impractical options. Here are some of the ways science suggests that curiosity can improve our relationships. Learn the six surprising benefits of curiosity. In one study, curious participants who’d been videotaped conversing with a stranger for five minutes—with the only prompt being “talk about whatever you’d like”—exhibited more “positive emotional expressiveness, initiation of humor and playfulness, unconventional thinking, and a non-defensive, noncritical attitude” than non-curious people. In addition, being curious seems to protect people from negative social experiences, like rejection, which could lead to better connection with others over time. He suggests that because curious people are motivated to learn and understand different viewpoints, rather than judging others, being curious may help in conflict situations. My Curious Mind. A constant active search for the "perfect" partner is a major threat to the achievement of long-term profound love. We listen to reply. It's only possible to create a meaningful solution is you're motivated by true curiosity about what's actually going on and why those problems recur. © 2021 The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. Who said being a husband is easy, anyway? Jill Suttie, Psy.D., is Greater Good’s former book review editor and now serves as a staff writer and contributing editor for the magazine. The most important thing that women want in a relationship is happiness. Curiosity not only helped participants to remember trivia, they were also better able to remember the photos if their curiosity had been piqued. It also involves realism. and strengthen our relationships with the children and young people we work with. The concept of curiosity is central to motivation. Act with integrity. The external change underlying intense love is a one-time, simple event expressed in an acute emotion, or at most in an emotional episode; such a change has a brief impact, since the agent quickly adapts to the change. They may prevent people from being comfortable with their present lot, and they are often harder to bear than the difficulty of not experiencing everything. In one study by Todd Kashdan of George Mason University and his colleagues, participants were paired with a trained “confederate” (someone working with the researcher, unbeknownst to the participant) to engage in an intimacy-building conversation. Learning: Research says that you increase your ability to learn and retain information when your curiosity is ignited. Results showed that the confederates were more attracted and felt closer to curious participants than those who were less curious. For many, a detailed description of a partner's previous sexual interactions can cast a disagreeable cloud over their own sexual interactions with that person. How to Show Your Partner More Curiosity in Your Relationship July 5, 2019 Whether you’re a newlywed or a seasoned partner and relationship expert, … Not only might being curious help us recover from negative social experiences, it seems to foster more positive ones, as well. And the myth of Pandora implies that all troubles were released in the world because a woman was curious to know what was inside the box given to her by the gods. Relationships that don’t align with more traditional definitions of a relationship can still be healthy. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. Is Online Dating a Good Way to Find Profound Love? However, those high in curiosity experienced more positive emotion in their conversations compared to less curious participants no matter what the context was—same or opposite sex, intimate conversation or small talk. But it is also difficult to maintain a loving, committed relationship when alternative options are so much easier to explore. Curiosity: The Most Powerful Word in Relationship Marketing So why’s power of curiosity so important? Where does Curiosity appear in your Character Strengths Profile? Showing curiosity for someone means wanting to know all about them and being ready to share it all yourself. We ask questions and understand others and find new ways to work with them. curiosity seems to help in longer-term romantic relationships, where keeping interest alive is key to preventing breakups. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. 2 Comments. It's not really new information that boys have more commitment problems than girls. Protecting their brains. Taken together, these studies suggest that the quality of curiosity can help people to connect better with others, even strangers. More curious participants reported less aggressive responses toward those who caused hurt feelings than participants who were low in curiosity, while other personality factors like openness and conscientiousness did not impact aggression levels. It is specific curiosity that is of most interest to educators. Organizations can foster curiosity by giving … Pin. Berlyne's colleague, Day, extended the work, representing it graphically as a curvilinear relationship between level of arousal (or stimulation) and efficiency (1982). One important aspect to having a healthy work environment, is having healthy relationships with those whom you work. Although curiosity can be exercised merely for its own intrinsic value (knowing more), romantic curiosity is typically associated with the practical attitude of experiencing love. It's not really new information that boys have more commitment problems than girls. Yes, perhaps curiosity killed the cat! Act with integrity. Ignorance expresses the state of lack of knowledge, while lack of curiosity expresses a lack of desire to overcome it. Unconventional Sex & Love Relationships: Increasing Numbers? Listen with curiosity. Thus, lonely people are more open to actively pursuing a new romantic option. Borderline Personality: Fixing Someone Who Is Not Broken, 12 Signs You're Uncomfortable with Emotions. It seems also that actively searching for the more superficial object—that is, an additional sexual partner—is also incompatible with profound love. “But if you don’t engage in perspective-taking, the conflict will continue to simmer.”. Respect + Curiosity = Meaningful Relationships. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. There are rare cases in which romantic curiosity is completely absent, like that of Dustin Hoffman, who claimed that after meeting his wife, he felt no passion toward other women. Then, they were randomly paired and told to interact for 10 minutes before guessing the personality traits of their partner. “While I find that I can keep my nose out of other people's business, I do have a curiosity as to their non-business activities.” — Robert Brault. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. Others certainly prefer to know about a partner’s affairs, but may still not want to know all the specifics of positions, frequency, and locations. Curiosity must be used to combat change in the workplace as evidence suggests that cultivating curiosity helps leaders adapt to such different challenges. Strengthening their relationships with others. In other words, something about staying curious might allow us to recover more quickly from social rejection—an experience that can feel devastating. Explore how curiosity can make life more meaningful. PACE stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. The researchers found that more curious partners were less likely to choose to aggressively punish the loser—meaning, they chose shorter and less intense noise blasts—than those who were less curious. When we are in extreme pain, however, the last thing that we are is … New Model to Reduce AI Bias in Life Sciences and Biomedicine, “My Best Sex Was on Top of the Empire State Building", “During My Marriage, My Only Affairs Were with My Exes”, Three Paradoxical Ways for Coping With Romantic Abundance, Love Is in the Air, but the Air Is Polluted. Roy T. Bennett Preschoolers must be attracted to an item or a situation in order to feel curious about it in the first place. “Self-regulation is great—you can control your reactions in emotional encounters,” he says. This result did not surprise Kashdan. “Love is three quarters curiosity.” — Giacomo Casanova. “Curiosity is the lust of the mind.” — Thomas Hobbes. Try this practice to boost your happiness. It is the issue of quantity versus quality. Curiosity Makes You Smarter. According to Kashdan, no one knows for sure—there has not been a lot of research to uncover the answer. In another experiment, romantic partners performed a competitive task that involved seeing who could push a button faster. | Psychology Today However, it seems that many people leave their hearts open, in the manner of passive romantic curiosity, even if their relationships are fine—and this passive curiosity is an outcome of the natural desire to improve one's circumstances or to satisfy one's natural curiosity to experience something novel. “What we know from science is that our greatest regrets don’t come from trying and failing, but from not approaching at all. So why does curiosity so often become less present in … When it comes to social interactions, Kashdan suggests that you “fake it ‘til you make it.” Asking open-ended questions—those where the answer is truly unknown to the inquirer—and showing interest and asking follow-up questions are likely to make a responder go deeper, which will likely produce more curiosity in you. Curiosity is a valuable capacity in the development of human beings, but like other capacities, should also be handled with care. Fortunately, we know how to get him to commit. In any case, unlike in other realms, in the romantic realm we cannot let our curiosity wander unleashed. Romantic intensity expresses the momentary measure of passionate, often sexual, desire. Building customer relationships. When you assume you know everything about a partner, love starts to stagnate and differences start to crop up, even if the words aren’t voiced out. Related: 6 Ideas to Embrace Your Curious Side . Curiosity needs champions, and that needs to start at the top. “I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me/ People work better when they are happier and they are happier when they connect with and identify with co-workers and bosses. In addition, curious participants better predicted how well they were received by confederates. There is a long tradition which considers curiosity and knowledge to be obstacles to happiness. In this sense, Ariely claims, “We are spreading ourselves too thin.”. 11 Shares. The winner was then told to choose the length and intensity of a loud blast of noise that the loser would suffer. Quotes on Communication in Relationships. This month, be kind to yourself and others. Their disappearance may occur “too slowly for us to see them vanishing.” Ariely argues that we need to close some of our options; otherwise, the better ones may not survive. Sure, women can have them too, but most of the time, guys aren't willing to compromise. Romantic curiosity can be either be fueled by the desire for superficial external change, such as an additional sexual partner, or by a profound intrinsic development, such as the growth and interest of a single beloved. Inequality in a relationship is the biggest attributing factor to insecurity because we feel we don’t fit.Whether it be that one partner earns more than the other, a significant age difference, or simply because one feels less intelligent, inequality consequently leaves us … His books include The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change Over Time. 5 Lessons Monogamous Families Can Learn from Polyamorists. We listen for what’s behind the words. Lack of curiosity, or the lack of a desire to know more, is often associated with ignorance, which is the lack of knowledge. “If you can pop out the open-ended question, the person often gets so excited and reveals so much more that you end up getting interested naturally,” he says. Curiosity is taking the time to know something, to revel in the moment with wonder and fascination, to go beyond the limitations of the mind, time, perceptions, rules, and expectations. Those who were highly curious were able to better predict the extraversion and openness levels of their partners than those who were not very curious, purportedly because they were more accurate in picking up verbal and nonverbal cues. Lydon-Staley’s research found that exercise seems to promote curiosity — … The Game Changer: Curiosity In Your Relationship. 4. However, opening every romantic door that beckons can have costly ramifications. People work better when they are happier and they are happier when they connect with and identify with co-workers and bosses. Adam and Eve were expelled from paradise because of their curiosity to know more about the world. Curiosity—the desire to approach novel and challenging ideas and experiences in order to increase one’s knowledge—has long been associated with intellectual pursuit, engagement with the world, memory, and learning. When we approach relationships with curiosity, life becomes more interesting and problems turn into opportunities for reaching new levels of intimacy and harmony. But there is some evidence that being curious helps you to deal better with those negative situations. On the one hand, it enables us to be aware of various romantic possibilities and to develop ourselves accordingly. Its importance in motivating scholarship cannot be ignored. “Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.” – Leo Burnett But for such a dreamy relationship, a man needs to fulfill a number of expectations his wife has on him. Afterward, the confederates rated how attracted and how close they felt to their conversation partners, and participants tried to predict how well they came across. “It sets up a spiral of give and take, which fosters intimacy.” It is not easy to determine which romantic doors to leave open and which to close; each has its own cost and benefits. Also relevant to this tradition is the story of the man who has a long beard: He is asked whether he puts it above or beneath the blanket at night, and from that moment on, he is unable to fall asleep. A major dilemma in romantic life is which of these possibilities to actively pursue and which to relinquish to compromise on what you have. Questions are at the core of how we listen, behave, think, and relate as individuals and organizations.